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Love Language #4 - Gifts

What the Children Say

For many children, physical touch speaks louder than words, gifts, quality time, or acts of service. Without it, their love tank will never be overflowing. Look at what these children had to say about the power of physical touch.

Sophia, age seven: “I know my mommy loves me because she hugs me.”

Jeremy, a junior in college, told us how he knew his parents loved him: “They showed it all the time. Every time I left the house as long as I can remember, I always got a hug and kiss from my mom and a hug from my dad, if he was home. And every time I came home, it was a repeat performance. It’s still that way. Some of my friends can’t believe my parents, because they didn’t grow up in touching families, but I like it. I still look forward to their hugs. It gives me warm feelings inside.”

Eleven-year-old Hunter was asked, “On a zero-to-ten scale, how much do your parents love you?” Without batting an eye he answered, “Ten.” When we asked why he felt this so strongly, he said, “Well, for one thing because they tell me, but even more from the way they treat me. Dad is always bumping me when he walks by, and we wrestle on the floor. He’s a lot of fun. And Mom’s always hugging me, although she has stopped doing it in front of my friends.”

Jessica, twelve, lives with her mother most of the time and visits with her father every other weekend. She said that she feels especially loved by her father. When we asked why, she said, “Because every time I go to see him, he hugs and kisses me and tells me how glad he is to see me. When I leave, he hugs me for a long time and tells me he misses me. I know my mom loves me too—she does lots of things for me—but I wish she would hug me and act as excited about being with me as Daddy does.”

If physical touch is your child’s primary love language and you are not by nature a toucher and yet want to learn your child’s love language, it may help if you begin by touching yourself. Yes, we’re serious. First, take your hand and touch your arm, beginning at the wrist and working slowly up to your shoulder. Give yourself a shoulder rub. Now take the other hand and do the same thing on the other side. Run both hands through your hair, massaging your scalp as you work from front to back. Sit up straight with both feet on the floor and pat your legs—with rhythm if you want. Place one hand on your stomach. Then lean over and touch your feet and massage your ankles. Sit up and say, “There, I did it. I touched myself and I can touch my child!”

For those who have never been touched and find touching uncomfortable, this exercise can be a first step in breaking down barriers to physical touch. If you are one of these people, you may want to repeat this exercise once a day until you have enough courage to initiate a touch to your child or spouse. Once you get started, set a goal and consciously touch your child every day. Later, you can work up to several touches a day. Anyone can learn the language of physical touch, and if it is your child’s primary love language, it is worth your best efforts.

IF YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS

physical touch …

Here are a few more ideas especially for parents. Pick and choose among them to try something new you think your child will appreciate.

• When you greet or say good-bye to your young child, gather them into your arms and hold them. Kneel down for small children.

• Let your child hold or cuddle a soft item, such as a blanket to soothe them.

• Hug and kiss your child every day when they leave and return from school, as well as when you tuck them in at night for younger children.

• Stroke your child’s hair or rub their back when they tell you about a difficult day or are upset.

• Shortly after disciplining your child, take a moment to give them a hug to show them the discipline was based on the consequences of their wrongful choices but that you still love and cherish them as your child.

• Snuggle closely together on the couch when watching television together.

• Give each other a high five or similar congratulations whenever you catch your child doing something positive.

• Purchase a gift for your child that is touch-oriented, such as a soft pillow, blanket, or sweater.

• Occasionally yell out a “group hug” for your entire family, regardless of how small or large the family size. To add more fun, include family pets such as the dog or cat.

• Play games or sports together that require physical touch. This will allow both shared time together and touch that is meaningful without appearing forced.

• Sing action songs together with your children that require touching and action, such as clapping hands, spinning, or jumping. Many of today’s children’s DVDs make this even easier.

• Have “tickle fights” with your children, being careful not to allow it to become a stressful activity for your child.

• With younger children, read stories together with your child on your lap.

• When your child is sick or gets hurt, spend extra time providing comfort, like wiping her face with a cool cloth.

• Hold hands during family prayers.

About The 5 Love Languages of Children

The 5 Love Languages of Children by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell is a groundbreaking parenting guide that reveals how every child has a unique way of understanding and receiving love. Building on the bestselling The 5 Love Languages concept, this book helps parents discover their child's primary love language and learn to speak it fluently.

About the Authors:

  • Dr. Gary Chapman is a renowned marriage counselor, bestselling author, and creator of the original Five Love Languages concept. His books have sold millions of copies worldwide and transformed countless relationships.
  • Dr. Ross Campbell is a psychiatrist specializing in children and adolescents, with decades of experience helping families build stronger emotional connections.

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